Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And then he peed in my hair
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
