the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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