Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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