Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my being single is dangerous.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
