I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
