After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
