It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
