I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize