alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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