So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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