it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
