Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
