dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
