I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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