I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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