he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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