Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
