I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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