Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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