I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
