ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i think i just lost a toe
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
