You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
