Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
