dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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