All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby