Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.