Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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