Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny