Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
