sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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