He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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