theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
