he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
