took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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