I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
