I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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