I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
