just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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