you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
