My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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