I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
