3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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