I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
