make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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