Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
