i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
