i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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