Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
