in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
