Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
