I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
