Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
