Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
