HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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