I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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