do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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