I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
