i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
