The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
