alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
