i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
