Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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