so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
