I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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